New New Testament

Sometimes I get annoyed at God. Moses and the Israelite got tablets and Joseph had dreams, all I have is a book that was finished a thousand years ago and had to be translated a dozen times for me to even understand it. King James did his best, but most of the time I can't figures out who thine is or which one was thee and which was thou. The young adult versions are even worse - it's a little creepy to have the Bible written like a teen drama with slang and modern day 'examples' about Lisa and her boyfriend drinking in his pickup.
I know that God said no more chats through burning bushes or heaven opening up - but come on! I mean would it really be that bad for God to just send us a new chapter after revelations that tells us if sexting is a sin or how skimpy my string bikini can be before I need to say a Hail Mary? How about a few verses on rap music or on internet porn? Jesus didn't have to worry about lusting because no women wore daisy dukes in Bethlehem. I think we could all use a few updates about whether or not shopping on the Sabbath is really ok when I'm busy the other 6 days. And what about the premarital sex thing - can we clear up the language here and maybe clarify the wording on 'coviting thy neighbors wife' - I know some people who could really use the insight.
Allison (the smartest girl I know) said something the other day that stuck with me - she said that she knows something is what God wants when it makes her feel at peace. I like that and I think she's right- now if only I could relax long enough to feel the peace. But while I'm waiting for peace to wash over me, I wouldn't mind a giant road sign saying "Go THAT Way ---> Love God"