Life is so short

Just found out Brian Ralls died today. I knew him years ago - the kind of person you once talked to in class every day, then you'd say hi when you ran into each other at football games or with another friend in Green Hills. I always really liked him because he was tall - that was the basis for our talking - I thought he was cute because he was tall.

His family is well known and extremely well liked in Brentwood. Over the years I would here bits and pieces about him or his sister through family friends or at church. BUMC is a strange place because of how many people go there. I think when I was big into Youth Group it was something like 10,000 members. He was never one of the super -every-sunday gang, but he was around enough to know, and to like.

Some stupid person took a phone call and wasn't looking - and now he no longer exsits on this Earth. It wasn't his fault, he was just driving, no idea he'd never get there.
Part of me wants to take this and freak out about how we're all going to die, and I still may, but right now all I can feel is deepest love and compassion for his family - because I know who they are and I KNOW they are good people - very good people. I wish them grace and comfort and love.

I wish it wasn't so late - because this is one of those times when I just want to call all my friends and tell them I love them so much - but it's almost 1 am - so I'll do it on here for now, until I can tomorrow

To my friends - I am blessed to have you in my life, you laugh with me (and at me), dance with me, cry with me, joke with me, and give me comfort, grace and love
I love you

Allison
Robert
Charlotte
Dave
Megan
Robin
Brendan
Ryan
Alex

The Universe

My favorite movie of all time is Labyrinth - if you haven’t seen it, well I just don’t like you anymore, but the main point you need to know is that in the film the main character constantly gets frustrated and exclaims ‘Oh it’s not fair!’

I am very much this type of person. I never think anything is fair, so I feel like an idiot on those occasions in which the universe hands me something on a silver platter and says ‘here ya go!’

This has been happening a lot lately. Now, it isn’t all merry and sunshiny, I had one big bad day recently – but at the end of that day God not only opened a window, he basically lit up a Marquee that said “This Way”

This is awesome and horrible at the same time. Awesome because I really want this, and horrible because if I choose that path I will be nailing the coffin on a huge part of my life. I say coffin because it really is like a death. Letting someone go who has been the literal other half of your days for years is very much like someone dying. You mourn the loss, and I am not totally ready to do that yet. I’m really just putting off the inevitable, because I believe that other half has already decided to do that himself, but it’s still something I’m not looking forward to.

The rest of my life is so happy – it’s almost ironic that this is coming now, right at the start of so much happiness that we both waited for, I guess he got tired of waiting. I don’t really want to mourn the loss of anything while everything else is going so well. I’ve been working and going downtown so much lately, it’s just such a shame I no longer get to share that with him.

But like I said, the universe stepped right in and led the way to something new. I guess that’s God way of saying “get over it, it’s really done” - honestly I’m not sure if I’m thankful or resentful of that – I guess I’ll tell you next year.

Now I have to let go – which maybe one thing I am completely incapable of doing in my life – or at least have been so far. I never understood people who could just walk away from people or places. These are things that meant a lot to me, things that changed me and helped me grow. These people fill my memories and heart – I crossed the country with them, laughed with them, loved them, filled out my taxes with their help – why does everyone think I should remove them from myself?

But I believe the universe will show me. God is probably reading this and sighing and shaking his head – Ok, I’m listening.

Clueless

I don't really know what to post on here anymore. Half of me wants to rant and scream and swear - half of me wants to cry and plead and ask why - less than one percent wants to cheer and proclaim how great life is now. So which do I do?

I guess my fun news today is that I went to the doctor in charge of the drug trial I'm in and when he walked in he actually stopped and gasped and said - "You look great, you look so happy"

That was awesome. To know that even though I had one of the worst weeks ever, I was in the 'normal' happy range and not crazy depressed girl. He looked thrilled - the medicine is keeping me from having any panic attacks or from being way too sad. It's great.

The really bad part of my week is loosing my person, the one I went to and trusted and loved. My person was truly the one I thought would always be there to help me out - thank God for friends. I've been so lucky that many of the people I reached out to ran to my aide. Even the people I hadn't talked to in months - ok more like a year.

I feel like an awful person - blocking him on facebook - but I don't want to know. I don't want to see his new 'friends' or pictures of how happy he is. I kinda just want to pretend he doesn't exist - at all. Everywhere I look I see things I did for him - the yarn from the blanket I made, fabric from the halloween I made, paper from the scrapbook I made him - it's everywhere and I can't wait to move. I wish the deal would go faster.

Blah blah blah blah - I'm too drunk to be typing

Wanna know how to loose 10 pounds?

Get your heart broken - that will do it

I know, I'm usually silly or random on here, but I just can't think of anything cute to write. But hell, at least I can fit into my old jeans, that's got to count for something.

I'm going out again tonight. Last night was lots of fun and I danced like a lunatic for about an hour - totally sober. Tonight it's a friend's frat brother's birthday - this should be interesting.

I'm glad it's fall bc I'm sick of lasagna

I am a picky eater. Ok, that may be an understatement but you get the point. Lately I've been making lasagna like once a week - it's weird and needs to stop. I have like four foods that I eat all the time and it's soooooooo boring. But now it's October and I get to eat awesome winter food - like chili and my uncle's corn dish recipe. I'm excited - it may not seem super awesome to you - but it totally is.

I really like fall, not really in Chicago, but I really like fall. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years - I mean come on. You just don't get any better that. Not to mention shopping. This is the time of year that you can shop as much and you want and no one can judge you, because you’re buying stuff for other people. I had such a good idea for a friend of mine that I’m no longer going to be getting – and it was SUCH a great idea. It was my best one yet…. damn…… Now I just have to find someone else the perfect gift. And that’s not as easy as it sounds. But the upside is I have to window shop even more to get it.

And I can't wait for the Toys R Us catalog - you are never too old to stop looking at the Toys R Us Christmas catalog.

Meg

The Artist Summit

I went to the Artist Summit Chicago over the weekend - it's a makeup and hair trade show for working artist only. ( woooot ) There were hours of seminars and hands-on workshops with the best artists in the country. It was an almost literal kid-in-a-candy-store situation. Liquid color, creme colors, loose powders, pressed powders, airbrushes, pencils, gels, fake lashes, glitter, gloss, brushes, and every kind skin care possible. I nearly fell over when I walked in.

Now - I expected this - I knew the shiny object thing would happen. What I didn't realize was that I would get to sit and watch and be critiqued by the Key Makeup Artist for Lady Gaga and America's Next Top Model. I had no idea I would chat with a 9 time emmy-award winner about colors in front of Makeup For Ever - which he designed - I own half of that line.

I hate to sound like a middle school kid - but it was sooooooo cooooooool. I mean every single ooooo I got lucky - the first seminar I sat in on discussed products and the obessive need MUA's have with buying makeup - they kept repeating 'Don't buy colors you already have or can make in 5 seconds.' So I was much better about buying than I every expected. I learned color theory years ago in art and I use it all the time painting - but I watched a guy make perfect skin color with red, blue, yellow, and white grease paint. You may think this is the most boring thing to ever be typed - but that's the guitar solos of makeup.

All I want to do is type all about the types of brushes I bought and the crazy new application I will do with them. And I really wish you all knew how amazing silicone base is because that's a whole nother blog.

Ok

MOST BORING BLOG EVER AND I LOVED IT

I Don't Wanna Grow Up - I'm a Toys 'R Us Kid

People always talk about getting older and how sad it is to have wrinkles and fell bad about yourself. But the worst part about getting older is you don't get parties anymore and no one calls your mom to ask what you want for your birthday.

Just because I can have a license and can buy liquor does not mean I don't want balloons and candles to blow out and gifts that are actually wrapped in pretty paper. Why can't I have a pinata? Who says I don't have a list of birthday gift ideas? Maybe I do. My grandmothers and aunts now all send my money. Which is fine - but I don't go out and buy myself anything other than food. I end up spending my birthday cash on McDonald's when I'm running late somewhere. Lame.

I just want to go to Chuck E Cheese and play in the ball pit...........