The Universe

My favorite movie of all time is Labyrinth - if you haven’t seen it, well I just don’t like you anymore, but the main point you need to know is that in the film the main character constantly gets frustrated and exclaims ‘Oh it’s not fair!’

I am very much this type of person. I never think anything is fair, so I feel like an idiot on those occasions in which the universe hands me something on a silver platter and says ‘here ya go!’

This has been happening a lot lately. Now, it isn’t all merry and sunshiny, I had one big bad day recently – but at the end of that day God not only opened a window, he basically lit up a Marquee that said “This Way”

This is awesome and horrible at the same time. Awesome because I really want this, and horrible because if I choose that path I will be nailing the coffin on a huge part of my life. I say coffin because it really is like a death. Letting someone go who has been the literal other half of your days for years is very much like someone dying. You mourn the loss, and I am not totally ready to do that yet. I’m really just putting off the inevitable, because I believe that other half has already decided to do that himself, but it’s still something I’m not looking forward to.

The rest of my life is so happy – it’s almost ironic that this is coming now, right at the start of so much happiness that we both waited for, I guess he got tired of waiting. I don’t really want to mourn the loss of anything while everything else is going so well. I’ve been working and going downtown so much lately, it’s just such a shame I no longer get to share that with him.

But like I said, the universe stepped right in and led the way to something new. I guess that’s God way of saying “get over it, it’s really done” - honestly I’m not sure if I’m thankful or resentful of that – I guess I’ll tell you next year.

Now I have to let go – which maybe one thing I am completely incapable of doing in my life – or at least have been so far. I never understood people who could just walk away from people or places. These are things that meant a lot to me, things that changed me and helped me grow. These people fill my memories and heart – I crossed the country with them, laughed with them, loved them, filled out my taxes with their help – why does everyone think I should remove them from myself?

But I believe the universe will show me. God is probably reading this and sighing and shaking his head – Ok, I’m listening.